on the nature of people, personalities and individuality
I don't understand any of it. Is it more important to be yourself or be well liked?
"Be yourself!"
"The people who matter will like you for yourself!"
"If someone doesn't like you, that is their own loss!"
"Variety is the spice of life!"
But on Maslow's hierarchy of needs, love and esteem are before "Self Actualization" (whatever the fuck that means. Let's be honest, you don't know either, and if you do, you haven't thought hard enough). Actual physical requirements for life are first and most basic, but they are immediately followed by the positive regard of others. We need to have friends and relationships before we can self actualize. I don't know if that is the point I'm getting at, but it is a good side note.
The point I'm getting at is way too abstract to just say, so there will be an analogy. The closet gay who is a homophobe. Put yourself in that person's place. You know that you are attracted to other members of the same sex, but you also know you are not gay. You can then logically conclude that everyone has very deep down feelings of attraction for members of the same sex. You know that society can't work that way, it is impossible to conceive of a world in which all romantic pairings were between people of the same gender because we would become extinct. By simple philosophical definition, if it is impossible to imagine a functioning universe in which the proposed actions take place, then the proposed actions are inherently immoral. You dislike openly gay people, because you see them as normal people who are capitalizing on, exaggerating and exploiting a normal sensation that cannot be universally acted on. This is how I feel about people who are really weird. Openly weird. They don't even care that it is against societal norms. I don't think it is a) fair that they get to do whatever they want and I can't to whatever I want and b) moral for them to be completely disregarding the conventions that hold our society together. Are these unwritten rules there for a reason?
I guess what I really need to know is if every person is, as I believe, a unique individual with their own distinct world view, hopes, dreams, interests, etc. Or if most people are generally the same and there are only a few people with truly singular world views.
The thing about the gay scenario is that it does not reflect the world as we know it. Most people do not dislike gay people, which would imply that most people are not gay deep down and have no reason to resent these people being as they are. But it seems to me that most people do kind of resent really weird people. Is it because a lot of really weird people have irritating personalities or because everyone is just sick of hearing how "individual" they are when we all know that we are all individuals and this person is crowing about it as though they are the only one. Like someone who is so fucking stoked to have hands that they can't stop talking about it and using them to open jars and play piano and they have shirts that say things like "need a hand? I'm your man!"
It all really comes down to the skunk purse. I want one. I want to make my own skunk purse out of roadkill really really badly. Nearly everyone thinks this is a terrible idea. From what I understand, it is too far out of the norm to be accepted by people who don't already know me. It sounds as though it would result in me losing more potential friends than gaining. Although I would bet that the ones I gained would be pretty sweet. So the question remains: be yourself or be liked? Why do they have to be mutually exclusive? Are they mutually exclusive for everyone or only me? Why is it so hard for me to relate to other people.
Switching gears. I gave myself this gift, remember of doing whatever I want, but now I'm turning into an indian giver and trying to take it back. The more I do what I want to do, the less I understand other people. I don't get them and it was scary. I started feeling like I was tripping all the time, it was like waking up on a different planet and not knowing how you got there. It is just like that Talking Heads song, "You might find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile. And you might say to yourself: this is not my beautiful house."
"Be yourself!"
"The people who matter will like you for yourself!"
"If someone doesn't like you, that is their own loss!"
"Variety is the spice of life!"
But on Maslow's hierarchy of needs, love and esteem are before "Self Actualization" (whatever the fuck that means. Let's be honest, you don't know either, and if you do, you haven't thought hard enough). Actual physical requirements for life are first and most basic, but they are immediately followed by the positive regard of others. We need to have friends and relationships before we can self actualize. I don't know if that is the point I'm getting at, but it is a good side note.
The point I'm getting at is way too abstract to just say, so there will be an analogy. The closet gay who is a homophobe. Put yourself in that person's place. You know that you are attracted to other members of the same sex, but you also know you are not gay. You can then logically conclude that everyone has very deep down feelings of attraction for members of the same sex. You know that society can't work that way, it is impossible to conceive of a world in which all romantic pairings were between people of the same gender because we would become extinct. By simple philosophical definition, if it is impossible to imagine a functioning universe in which the proposed actions take place, then the proposed actions are inherently immoral. You dislike openly gay people, because you see them as normal people who are capitalizing on, exaggerating and exploiting a normal sensation that cannot be universally acted on. This is how I feel about people who are really weird. Openly weird. They don't even care that it is against societal norms. I don't think it is a) fair that they get to do whatever they want and I can't to whatever I want and b) moral for them to be completely disregarding the conventions that hold our society together. Are these unwritten rules there for a reason?
I guess what I really need to know is if every person is, as I believe, a unique individual with their own distinct world view, hopes, dreams, interests, etc. Or if most people are generally the same and there are only a few people with truly singular world views.
The thing about the gay scenario is that it does not reflect the world as we know it. Most people do not dislike gay people, which would imply that most people are not gay deep down and have no reason to resent these people being as they are. But it seems to me that most people do kind of resent really weird people. Is it because a lot of really weird people have irritating personalities or because everyone is just sick of hearing how "individual" they are when we all know that we are all individuals and this person is crowing about it as though they are the only one. Like someone who is so fucking stoked to have hands that they can't stop talking about it and using them to open jars and play piano and they have shirts that say things like "need a hand? I'm your man!"
It all really comes down to the skunk purse. I want one. I want to make my own skunk purse out of roadkill really really badly. Nearly everyone thinks this is a terrible idea. From what I understand, it is too far out of the norm to be accepted by people who don't already know me. It sounds as though it would result in me losing more potential friends than gaining. Although I would bet that the ones I gained would be pretty sweet. So the question remains: be yourself or be liked? Why do they have to be mutually exclusive? Are they mutually exclusive for everyone or only me? Why is it so hard for me to relate to other people.
Switching gears. I gave myself this gift, remember of doing whatever I want, but now I'm turning into an indian giver and trying to take it back. The more I do what I want to do, the less I understand other people. I don't get them and it was scary. I started feeling like I was tripping all the time, it was like waking up on a different planet and not knowing how you got there. It is just like that Talking Heads song, "You might find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile. And you might say to yourself: this is not my beautiful house."
posted by Rachael Ferber at 9:00 PM
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