Garden Burger

So at dinner tonight they were serving bacon double cheeseburgers. And garden burgers. Needless to say, I got the garden burger, and needless to say, it was disgusting. This was no boca burger, this was something much more sinister. They weren't even trying to make it taste like a hamburger; the damn thing reveled in its meatlessness. Gross. Dinner was actually wholly entertaining tonight, we met a bunch of Cool Jake's friends and they were hysterical. We made some terrible dead baby jokes and then someone busted out the best dead-baby joke I have ever heard, hands down. I generally don't like them; they're a little too morbid for my personal taste. But this joke, when he got to the punchline our table literally imploded. Every single person flew back laughing; two guys leapt out of their chairs, smacking their legs and dying. It was really that funny. I don't think that typing it would do it justice, but I'm going to give it a shot because you can't just say how great a joke is and then not share it. If you don't like dead baby jokes, you won't like it, so don't keep reading.


So it's April first and this woman is in the hospital having her baby. The doctor pulls it out and then immediately throws it on the floor and starts stomping the hell out of it. He picks it up, is punching it in the face, swings it into the wall, is just wailing the shit out of this baby. The woman, you know, is like "Stop, stop, you're killing my baby!" and the doctor goes, "April fools, it was already dead!"

God that's some funny shit. I guess because you know you shouldn't be laughing at it.