Cost of the War in Iraq
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Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Friends help you move...

So today I'm lounging, in my underwear, watching bad tv, eating bad food, etc. And one of my little sister's friends calls me! Now, this happened last night, too, on the house phone at about 3 in the goddamn morning and I was like "Who IS this?" And some kid is like, "Jen Brown, who is THIS?!" So I was like, Bitch, I'm Rachael and Emma is not in the country right now so stop fucking calling; I go to bed early.
But the one who called today is my favorite of her friends, this girl is a real sweetheart, and she asked if I wanted to help her move. Now, I'm home alone and really bored so I was all like "Yeah!" And it really sucked. Also it was kind of funny because I was definitely the oldest one there except this girl's mom, and everyone was like, so how do you know Alex? And I was all...uhh, I'm Emma's big sister. Man, I'm such a loser.

This would have been an ideal post for Xanga but I've already posted there earlier today about wearing boxers under jeans, and also this little girl is subscribed to mine and so I don't want to talk about her and then have her read it. That would be weird.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Why is everything here completely pointless?

So my last goddamn baby rabbit died today. I don't suppose I'll actually tell people because it bums me out so much and I'm so angry and disappointed in myself. It got out, I guess, although I still think it is kind of unlikely that those fucking babies could get out of the cage I rigged. I suspect the dog got it, which is even worse because Lola is just the gentlest darling. She's watched me feed those things a million times, she was undoubtedly just carrying it around. I found it right outside the door (present style), absolutely matted down with spit with a little hole in its abdomen where I suppose a canine tore his ultra thin little rabbit skin. It makes me want to cry just thinking about it. I would guess he died of shock, not even the injury. Fuck! I think this was when I was outside watering the plants and I heard her tear off into the back yard and thought nothing of it. He was totally going to make it, too. I was going to release him into the fucking wild.
Why do people even bother. Even if I had released him, how long do wild rabbits live? Is their life worthwhile?
And then I had the terrible idea to watch a movie about underpaid mexicans working as janitors who tried to form a union and that doesn't help my poor bleeding heart. To care about everything so much, all the time, is just exhausting.

I guess posts like this are better when they're written "in the mood" so to speak. Earlier today I was just a wreck about this rabbit and everything. But I'm feeling better now. I like to read. Life is worth living because of enjoyable experiences. The rabbits were worth my time and money because I gained knowledge and I really think next time will be the one; I'll raise a baby woodland creature and it will live. I loved them for a short while. Shit, was it really only 13 days? That seems impossible. I wish he hadn't died.

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Oh, Man

I've been alone in the house for...11 hours. And I'm already going crazy. I'm so lonely; how am I going to make it for two whole weeks! I am enjoying the freedom, my post on Xanga went something along the lines of "I make poor decisions regarding sunscreen, stand with the freezer door open because it feels good, parade around naked and eat shitty foods while watching shitty movies because I can." But that gets old...or at least the novelty wears off. Not that I'm going to put on clothes any time soon.
It'd be better if it weren't a Sunday night. I'll enjoy myself later in the week when I can just retreat into some university library and lose myself entirely in whatever I want to read about at the moment. If I find the NewScientist back issues I don't need to go home for days. I wish I didn't have all these pets/plants/mail to take care of, because I would totally see if I could camp out in libraries, public parks, whatever. The worst that could happen is ADVENTURES!
Mainly I wanted to type about myself a little bit and I feel kind of down, so I figure an anonymous outlet would be better than that dirty whore, Xanga.
Two of my wild baby rabbits died, I've only got Flora left now. She is doing fantastic, though, I think I'll actually be able to release her in a week or so. That is the first little animal I've ever succesfully raised, despite 20 years of trying. I'd say LOL, but I generally cry every time one of those damn things dies. I guess it is time to go feed that rabbit. That'll take a good five minutes. My homework is done. I could watch Clerks. I could go for a ride on my bicycle with the dog, but then I'd have to dress...
Wow I hope I never have to live alone. I can only imagine what kind of terrible eccentric I would become. An expert on something completely retarded, like gecko eye anatomy. Or worse, something that other people were interested in, like existentialism. That's becoming rather trendy. And I would just prattle on and on whenever I got any human contact, desperate for interaction, sealing my own fate.
At that point I might as well just make myself a wolf suit and make a really bad personal ad and hope that whoever responded would be so desperate that he wouldn't mind if I called him Tyler most of the time.
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