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Friday, December 31, 2004

Lip Ring

So in about 2-3 hours I'm getting my lip pierced and I'm really nervous about it. Mostly, I think, because I told my mom last night and she about flipped out and started insisting that I would have to pay the rest of my college tuition if I got my lip pierced. But lately, she doesn't seem to have the power that she used to and, despite her shouting and yelling, she eventually appeared to give up.
I just started watching fight club, to pass the time, and it turns out that apparently one of the main characters is named Tyler.
In order to finish this post, I must pause the movie.
I'm afraid because my mom hates it, my little sisters and my dad hate it. In fact, everyone I've told with the exception of two friends has expressed disgust with the idea of lip rings. I'm afraid that I won't be able to get a job with it, because a lot of jobs have policies regarding facial piercings. I'm afraid that it will get infected and stay that way. I want a simple metal band, not a ball-pressure ring (whatever those are called) and I'm not sure if I can get that. Also, I had been planning on surprising all of my friends, but they all ended up finding out, and so now everyone knows and is waiting for me to do it. No backing out.
But I really do love the look of it. I think it is pretty, and somewhat classy. I just like it. I've been wearing a fake around my room for a month and whenever I pass a mirror I think: My, that's cute! So I'm going to do it.
I hope Tyler thinks it's sexy, although I don't really care what he thinks.
I hope all of the damn conservative Kansas boys aren't totally grossed out by it. I hope it doesn't get infected and I hope that my friend does it with me, like planned.

Monday, December 27, 2004

Tyler's sneakers

I know I'm supposed to be getting over him, but I just learned something new that made my heart melt. I remember at some point last year when he got a new pair of sneakers (I've mentioned this before) and I just found out that they were Adidas hemp sneakers, made entirely out of hemp and I think recycled rubber for the soles. He recently got new sneakers, and while I was searching for more information on the Adidas hemp sneakers I think I spotted his new ones; also hemp. Not easy to find or cheap, but I'm pretty sure that those are the ones. Maybe I'll look next time I see him. Or maybe not. He's so flipping hot!
While I'm at it: he is enrolled in Wildlife Conservation next semester. Goddamn that kid! Every single freaking thing he does is so cute and hot and smart and environmentally aware. He's probably a better environmentalist than I am, for Pete's sake! Hotter, too.
This is the page I found about the sneakers on: http://www.joshrubin.com/coolhunting/archives/sneakers/index.php

It's really really interesting. I go there frequently. I wasn't even looking for Tyler related stuff, I just stumbled across it and happen to know exactly what his sneakers look like. They're at the bottom of that page.

Sunday, December 26, 2004

Christmas

Was fun for all. I got a Rubicks cube, which I am finally able to solve in about 5 minutes. It took a lot of practice, I must have gone through it 200 times slowly and painfully, learning how to do it. Now I've got it down. And no one cares because I learned how to do it, didn't figure it out on my own. So what that it comes with directions; no one else can do it and I can! So there! Like its less valid somehow because I had instruction. Puh.
Also got a new computer which will be SO nice. I'm really really glad that I got it, it has a burner, flat screen, everything. Nice. Much better than my 8 year old, POS, 6 GB laptop. Much better.

Saturday, December 25, 2004

Christmas eve highlights

*Early this morning my family-tolerance fizzled out, it lasted me a week.
*Put perfume that came in a small lipgloss-like dish on my lips. Didn't want to offend the gift givers, so I didn't mention that it tasted like poison. Later was ridiculed for being so clearly uncool.
*Went to 2 Christmas services.
*After first Christmas service, went to neighbors home and had dinner with several members of our church, including the minister and his wife.
*Got the minister drunk, along with several members of the choir.
*Midnight Church service went well, minister was jovial and rosy about the cheeks.
*An old, confused lady put her wine sipper in the wrong place after communion, started a chain of confusion as jovial minister tried to discreetly get things back on track.
*Watched a friend with a nose piercing dig in her nose; she had a booger caught on the back of the stud. Gross.
*Now off to bed: my parents keep insisting that Santa doesn't come until everyone is asleep. Despite my being a sophomore in college.

Good times!

Thursday, December 23, 2004

Grades

So I got my grades today. We'll start off with the worst:
C- Chemistry. It was hard and I'm just glad I don't have to re-take it
B- Chem lab. Also hard, but my instructor had a cool accent and I met a lot of people who did my work for me and some of them knew Tyler (not that I care)
B- Physical Anthropology. I hated this teacher.
B- Fundamentals of Nutrition. I hated this teacher.
A- Philosophy. I loved this teacher and you-know-who was in the class (Tyler)
A- Genetics. I love genetics.
So my GPA comes out to a 3.125, dropping my cumulative to 3.48 from...I don't know, I think it was around 3.6-7. I'm hoping for a 4.0 next semester though, whoo!

Break continues to bore me to tears. I've discovered dozens of blogs worth reading, and realized mine barely is. Oh well.

I heard a song on the radio today, it was awesome. One of the parts was the guy saying how people never want to give money to homeless people because they're just going to spend it on drugs and booze...and shit, that's all I spend my money on! He was commenting on how people are so against giving money to the needy, convinced they're going to "waste" it. What was the last thing I bought that wasn't, basically, a waste? Music is the only thing I can think of. And I doubt that homeless people have CD players or MP3 players. Why do we have to judge so much? What makes their frivolous purchases less valid than my own?

Humorous movie quotes and then I'm out. If you know what these are from, you're cool.
"It puts the lotion on it's skin"

"I caught you a delicious bass"

"Naughide."

"Mawwiage is why we aw gathewed hewe today..."

Lip piercing in one week from tomorrow!

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Boredom

So I never get bored. Honestly, I entertain myself for hours and hours every day without complaint at school. I can go to the library for six hours at a time, totally engrossed in the magazines, people watching, computers, anything. But for some reason the instant I enter Omaha Nebraska, all of my self-occupying mechanisms go out the window. I've been here for...almost 5 days. I'm stuck here for nearly another month and I'm going out of my mind. Stark raving mad. Starting at around 9:00 in the evening I start looking at my watch, wondering when I can go to bed without being a total loser. Around 10:30-11:00 I'll just give in, only to wake up again around 8:00-9:00 in the morning. I'll make myself stay in bed until well after 10:00, just so I don't have to deal with the soul crushing nothingness that is my life at home. I don't even know what I did today. I think I drove Emma around a lot, maybe did some errands for mom. I eat way too much. I watch a lot of T.V. In the past couple of days I've seen the Terminal, Shrek 2, Bourne Supremacy, The Forgotten, Dodgeball, Matrix Revolutions and Napoleon Dynamite six times. We don't have cable.
Sometimes I'll go sit in my mom's office and watch her fish tank for a while.
I just made an appointment to give blood while typing this. That will be fun for an hour on Monday, and then I'll again have nothing to do. I'm going to the zoo next wednesday. I'm getting my lip pierced next Friday. Bored....

I stopped changing my clothes for a while, for I think 3 days I wore the same thing all day and then slept in it, woke up, and wore it the next day. I changed this morning because my mom was going to the grocery store and I wanted to go with her. That's right, my parents say they're going to the grocery store and I get all excited and am like, "ooh, wait for me!"

In other news, for Christmas my mom is giving my dad several styrofoam containers of red-wigglers, the bait worms. Yeah. She says he really wants them and then laughs like she's really pleased with herself. Not sure what that's about.

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Showering

So today I took a shower, and I thought of a couple of things I would like to discuss here. First off; multi-tasking. It is my opinion that if there is something you need to do that can be done in the shower, you should do it in the shower. This, for me, includes blowing my nose, peeing, and brushing my teeth. Think thats gross? I don't care; I've definitely told worse things on here than the fact that I occasionally pee in the shower. For those who haven't brushed their teeth or blown their nose in the shower, I recommend it, it is quick and tidy. I hate blowing my nose, I refuse to do it in front of people, or without a mirror, but in the shower I have no worries.
The second thing is, when do you learn how to wash your hair and stuff in the shower? One of my friends thinks that your parents are the ones who have instructed you on how to take a shower, but I'm not so sure. The only thing I remember my parents telling me is, "Rachael, dammit, stop conditioning your hair before you wash it!" Which I have remembered and adhered to since then. The reason I wonder about this is because the other day, as roommate was getting ready (she seems to always be getting ready, she can't leave the room without showering, curling her hair and putting on makeup) I noticed that she had a lot of trouble brushing her hair after she got out of the shower. So I asked if she didn't use conditioner, but she does. I put it on my hands and then run my fingers through my hair, so it is practically already brushed by the time I am actually brushing it, so I tell her this and she says she puts conditioner on the same way she shampoos! Like, just slaps it on and rubs it in, lol. But then, as I was laughing at her, it occured to me that maybe I'm the one putting conditioner on wrong, so I called Desi. Desi, to refresh your memories, is one of my best friends/a model, so she knows the correct way to condition one's hair. She agrees with me, it is correct to comb it through your hair to make sure that every hair gets a good conditioning.
So now you all know.

Monday, December 20, 2004

Sibling chauffeur

So the instant I got home I was immediately recruited to be the sibling chauffeur. Mainly the Emma chauffeur, actually, because that kid has more friends than I thought possible. And they are all touching all the time. They're like chimpanzees or something and all social bonds must be maintained through physical contact. I walk into the room and I can't tell how many people are on the couch because they are totally intertwined; like a freaking pile of puppies. Tangent. The point is that I have to drive her around a lot. She just takes it for granted, and I just automatically say yes, assuming she wouldn't ask if she didn't really need it. I found out on my first day home, however, that she would be more than happy to just flat-out live in my car while we pick up various friends and drop them off places, meet them places, or intersect their parents' vehicles on the road to literally pull friends out of the mom-van's back seat and place them into my cute-subaru back seat. So I started saying "No!" when she asks me to drive her or her friends somewhere, something mom and dad have apparently mastered already. As it turns out, this is a somewhat profitable way to go, because she doesn't give up, she just keeps asking, and then offering me things. Earlier today she wanted me to go pick up one of her friends from Dundee (all of her friends live way the hell across town) and I said no for a good fifteen minutes before giving in. I ended up with $3.00 and love poems from the kid I picked up; a pretty sweet deal if I do say so myself. So here are the poems, they're really cute. He's a sweet boy, I really do like her friends. To the max.

"Roses are red, violets are blue, words mos def can't express how much I love you" (mos def, in addition to being a singer, is Emma-code for "most definitely")
"Roses are red, stars are white, give me a hug and I'll squeeze you real tight"
and finally,
"Roses are red, and sometimes maroon; if I were older, I'd feed you with a spoon"

They also all conspired in the back seat and made me a bracelet, which was a bonus and not even part of the deal. Cute.

Sunday, December 19, 2004

really really ridiculously good looking guys

Um, I can't think of anything to write about today, (I know, it's a shock. It has something to do with me wanting to not only talk about Tyler) and so I've decided to make a brief list of the hottest guys in the universe.
So here goes.
Diego Luna. Hot with an occasional hint of trashy (the Terminal), which is just cute.


Pharrel. HOTT. I don't think more needs to be said.


Brandon Boyd. The perfect male specimen. I really had difficulty picking which picture to use. Honestly, have you seen the kid? He's incredible.



Adrian Brody. Strong manly nose, with intelligent features. Hot.


Bob Marley. I'm serious; the guy's a freaking fox, alright! Look at those cheekbones!



Blech! While searching for Brandon Boyd, I found THIS monstrosity. Do girls actually find this guy attractive? Really? He's all...clean shaven and arian and short-hair-with-products. Not to mention just not hot. Oh well. To each her own, I guess.

Friday, December 17, 2004

I'm Emma Goldman

Emma Goldman mugshot!
You are Emma Goldman! You are the mama of
Anarchist/Communist feminism and you inspired
millions to embrace the labor movement. Without
ever directly saying so, you directed efforts
toward saving wymyn and children from
exploitation. Oh yeah, you were also a total
sexpot!


Which Western feminist icon are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

This was fun, but long and somewhat tedious. Also the way they were spelling "women" and "woman" was driving me insane. What the hell is with all of those "y"s?

As long as we're at it, I'm going to make my statement on how I feel about gender equality. I didn't think this was necessary, but since coming to K-State I have discovered that not only are there still racists, but there are still people who aren't entirely sure whether or not men and women are equal. Go figure. I don't think that there are actually guys who are like, "Girls are only good for two things: cooking and sex." But there are girls who are like, "don't hold the door for me, I don't need that!" and I'm like, what? Pure human laziness requires gratitude whenever people hold the door for you, and it is also fucking polite, you idiots. I've met people at parties who get all offended and shit when I say, "Make like a housewife and get me a beer." and they go off on how women aren't slaves, yadda yadda yadda. And in philosophy class we were talking about that funny Levi's commercial where the dog rips that girl's pants off to the tune of The Zutons "Pressure Point" and I'm laughing and saying how that's a funny commercial and I should train a dog to do that, but for guys, and our teacher is all like, "Doesn't that commerical support the double standard of, its ok to pants girls but not guys, and doesn't it objectify girls and make them no more than a pair of sexy legs!" And I'm thinking...it's a funny commercial with a good song, a cute couple, and a well-trained dog. What is the issue here?

I'm a hermit

So I went outside at around noon to take my last final today, and it was the first time I had been outside in a couple of days! It's funny how you don't notice when you just stay inside for days on end, but when there are no classes, and all of your friends live in the same building, and the dining center is connected...there just isn't any reason to leave. But, so I was getting ready to walk to this final, and I don't have any idea what the weather is like outside, as far as I'm concerned it's still subzero. So I get seriously bundled up, like, ready to go on the Iditarod bundled up, and then I get outside and it is around 65 degrees outside. Unbelievable. I was sweating by the time I got to the test, which I then promptly failed. Within the past three days I have read well over 200 pages in this textbook, because apparently those are the chapters that we are supposed to be familiar with for this test. Now, I retain information pretty damn well for reading through it once and I think that my knowledge of prehistoric hominids has literally tripled since I began studying for this test, and when I got there I was only certain about, I kid you not, 3 questions out of 50. Shit. His class average for tests hovers around 60%, and then he just slaps a bell curve on it. The problem with that is, that clearly the only people getting good grades are the ones who are luckier guessers because no one knows this material. I had been so looking forward to that class, too. Oh well, now I'm excited for next semester! Embryology and Evolution here I come!

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Armpit Hair

So I am studying for my last final, Physical Anthropology, and it occurs to me that chimpanzees have a whole lot of hair everywhere but their armpits. My book says that early hominids probably had a full hair coat similar to today's African apes, but that Homo erectus was the first hominid to have bare skin. Something about a diurnal hunter-gather lifestyle on the African savannah requiring a very effective cooling mechanism: sweating. So I'm wondering how exactly the current pattern of hair ended up being the advantageous one selected to be passed on. I can see the importance of hair on your head, to protect it from the sun, and for hair certain other places, especially when you're walking around naked, but armpits? What is the deal with that? It would seem to me that it merely holds sweat and other nasties in a hot place, a veritable breeding ground for bacteria and disease. Granted, I shave because I'm a girl, so I really don't actually know what it is like to have a lot of armpit hair; but I'm guessing that it is unpleasant and gross.
Another thing I wonder about armpit hair is if black people have really curly armpit hair, similar to the hair on their heads? I just don't know.

In other news, I think I aced the hell out of my philosophy final, securing me an A in the class. I was the first person done; it took me about 10 minutes, so I spent an equal amount of time just sitting in class waiting for the test to start as I did actually taking the test. Um...Tyler post here.

EDIT: I did in fact ace the hell out of that final; I got a 100%!! Holy shit! I didn't think I had done that good.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

I have a fish tank!



How have I not mentioned it before! I love my fish tank, more than almost everything in my room combined! These fish are my pets and companions, my study buddies, or study-distractors. When our television was broke for several weeks, I would spend hours sitting at my desk, looking at my fish tank and listening to music.
As of right now, there aren't all that many fish in there, because I had something of a massacre when I added a sick fish a while back, and since break is coming up, I don't want to put anything new in there, only to have to take it home. I will be getting some new friends after break, though. Here is what I've got:
2 otocinclus
2 platies (one highfin male, the other a variegated female)
2 ram cichlids, a male and female
2 cory cats
2 banjo cats
2 dwarf african frogs
1 kick ass synodontis; i.e. polka dot cat!
I also have many live plants, but I don't know what they're called. I have something of an issue with algae, so it isn't at it's best and most display-ish right now. That's ok, I love it anyways!
Technical stuff, for those who are interested:
30 gallons,
Aquaclear 50 filter,
sand substrate with gravel and laterite on the very bottom
home-made hood with two 20-watt grow lights and one 20-watt full spectrum bulb, all 3 bulbs are 24" fluorescent.
I do not do water changes, or change my filtration, scold me if you must but I've got freaking rams in my tank and their doing great! I had a school of cardinals that was good, too! So boo-yah.
It should also be noted that anyone with a fish tank they actually care about should quarantine new fish before adding them to a stable tank, unfortunately this is difficult to do in a dormitory setting so I use my best judgment, which sometimes turns out to be impatient and poor judgment.



EDIT: For today's Tyler post, click here: slipping

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Think about your feet

When I was younger and I was having trouble getting to sleep I would go to my parents' room, knock on the door, and then complain that I couldn't sleep. My mom had only one response:
"Think about your feet."
"I don't wanna think about my feet."
"Then think about my feet."
And that was it. No further discussion, nothing more would come from the darkened room, no matter how much whining I did. If I came back later, after mom had fallen asleep, my dad would generally wake up to patronize my sleeplessness. I guess he was always concerned that I had puked, or there was a gigantic spider. But if I said that I couldn't sleep, he would say,
"Think about your feet."
"I don't wanna think about my feet."
"Then think about your mother's feet."
And that was it. A cruel joke, truly. I used to lay awake in bed for hours and hours every night, sometimes frozen in terror because my closet door was open and I was really afraid of the dark. I don't know if anyone else has felt this fear, but it is miserable. You're lying flat on your back, or maybe curled up, and you are afraid to close your eyes, afraid to move, obviously afraid to leave your bed for any reason because of what might reach out and grab you from under the bed. You keep all of your limbs well hidden under the blanket. I would watch my digital alarm clock. I had designated wishing times, like at 11:11, or when the clock turned to midnight and the little AM button went on, and then at 1:11 and 2:22. Sad, really, considering my bedtime was around 9:00. But if you think any of that sucks, this here is the kicker.
My most recent issue of Cosmopolitan has an article on helping you sleep. It lists various obvious tricks and tips, and then there is the final one, labeled "the Gold Standard." It starts off with, "Begin by thinking about your feet..."
Un-fucking-believable.

EDIT: For today's Tyler post, click here: A short, sharp and vicious relapse

Monday, December 13, 2004

I passed Chem

So, if I did my math right (which is not at all a guarantee), I just got a C in Chemistry, meaning I don't have to retake it next semester! Whoo! I got a %60 on the final exam. No comment on that, it doesn't matter any more if I get a C in the class!
The worst part was that the instant they handed out the tests, I realized that I had to pee like a Russian racehorse. And I couldn't, for nearly two hours. Fortunately, I am a hard-core champion when it comes to holding it. Really. There should be some sort of competition.
I didn't let myself go online all day today, and yesterday, because I was studying. Look how it payed off. O.k., I'm actually pretty damn unimpressed with the 60%. I'll just keep saying to myself, it's over, it's over, it's over.
So when I posted below, saying that I was going to study most of the weekend, I didn't really mean it any more than I did when I said I was going to study all of the weekend. I went out Saturday night and it was brilliant. Crazy fun. I, um, whored out my roommate a little bit. The bartender clearly liked her a lot, and so I walked up the the bar and I was like, "you wanna sleep with my roommate? Give me shots." It worked, and he was a really damn good bartender. A cool guy too. Apparently the last time I met him I had just finished wrapping my head in toilet paper, this was the night that I sprinted into a door and split my lip open. He didn't hold that against me. He's really nice, and he e-mailed my roommate and was really sweet saying how he wished he could have gotten to know her better, and how if she wants to go out for dinner and a movie some night, it is on him. And all she says is, Oh, too bad I don't like him. Ouch. Meanwhile, she continues to entertain various ugly assholes. Like, honestly ugly. Whatever.
Whoa, also Saturday night I found cool-Jake in the study room playing his guitar. His Les Paul guitar. I asked him to let me play it, and he let my drunk ass touch his incredibly awesome and expensive guitar. I am lucky I didn't puke on it or break the springs.
Haven't seen or talked to Tyler since Friday. Today I usually would have seen him taking trays at dinner, but I went through the "wrong" line without complaint, didn't even mention it until we were back to the room.

Saturday, December 11, 2004

Garden Burger

So at dinner tonight they were serving bacon double cheeseburgers. And garden burgers. Needless to say, I got the garden burger, and needless to say, it was disgusting. This was no boca burger, this was something much more sinister. They weren't even trying to make it taste like a hamburger; the damn thing reveled in its meatlessness. Gross. Dinner was actually wholly entertaining tonight, we met a bunch of Cool Jake's friends and they were hysterical. We made some terrible dead baby jokes and then someone busted out the best dead-baby joke I have ever heard, hands down. I generally don't like them; they're a little too morbid for my personal taste. But this joke, when he got to the punchline our table literally imploded. Every single person flew back laughing; two guys leapt out of their chairs, smacking their legs and dying. It was really that funny. I don't think that typing it would do it justice, but I'm going to give it a shot because you can't just say how great a joke is and then not share it. If you don't like dead baby jokes, you won't like it, so don't keep reading.


So it's April first and this woman is in the hospital having her baby. The doctor pulls it out and then immediately throws it on the floor and starts stomping the hell out of it. He picks it up, is punching it in the face, swings it into the wall, is just wailing the shit out of this baby. The woman, you know, is like "Stop, stop, you're killing my baby!" and the doctor goes, "April fools, it was already dead!"

God that's some funny shit. I guess because you know you shouldn't be laughing at it.

It's hard to study when you're hung over

Yeah.
So I'm giving up for now.
Here is the final breakdown:
Monday - Chemistry. I need to ace this final, hard core, to the max.
Tuesday - Genetics. I don't even need to finish this final to secure an A in the class. The teacher actually seems to be kind of hinting that if you don't need to do really well, you shouldn't, so that there can be a better scale for those who are struggling. Fine by me.
Also Tuesday - Nutrition project. I've got it mostly done; it is a huge, boring, busy work piece of shit, but if I do well on it I get an A in the class.
Wednesday - Free day!
Thursday - Philosophy. I need to do well, but not that well. This will also be my last class with Tyler, maybe forever.
Friday - Physical Anthropology. I don't have any idea what my grade is in that class or how I need to perform to get a certain grade. The teacher doesn't respond to e-mail or phone and does not have office hours. He doesn't post the grades online and the average grade on his tests hovers around 50%. I'm looking forward to that final.

And then I go home for break! Whoo! That'll be fun for about... 6 hours and then I'll be ready to come back here, lol. Maybe I can make my family pay for movies that I've been wanting to see but can't afford. Maybe I'll go back to work at Petsmart for the break. I will get my lip pierced. To the max.

Friday, December 10, 2004

The bandaid

So, my cool game didn't last as long as I had hoped. I certainly had the snuff to keep going, but the bandaid got a little rank. Like, it showed no signs of loosening and it was still just as snug and noninvasive as it was on Tuesday, but it was smelling bad. I can only assume because I showered with it and washed my hands and stuff, and I guess that wasn't a good idea. So I took it off in the shower, and set it down, fully intending to throw it away when I left the shower.
My roommate just came back from the shower (this is abou 6 hours after my shower) and informed me that some disgusting bitch left a bandaid sitting on the shelf in the shower. Whoops.

In other bathroom/Rachael's right hand news, I got toothpaste on my right index finger today when brushing my teeth. I don't know how it happened, I didn't even notice until halfway through my first class. But let me tell you something, toothpaste is ridiculously hard to get off of your finger once it has dried! Like seriously! I rubbed at it and tried to wipe it off on my pants and got absolutely no where. That went on until lunch time when I finally got to go to the bathroom and wash the damn stuff off.

Thursday, December 09, 2004

The problem with studying

I'm honestly trying to study. Really. I had planned on studying all weekend, because, you know, Chem final on Monday. Turns out my roommate had assumed I'd be wasted with her on Friday, and I don't want to ruin my reputation, so I'll be studying for most of the weekend. If I ace this final all to hell, I get to not re-take it next semester and take Embryology instead. (yeah!) If I do anything less than pretty damn good, I'll be in Chemistry II for the rest of my life. So you'd think that would be some good motivation. And you'd think the library would be conducive to study. And you'd be wrong.
There are magazines and books here. You've heard about the tiny pre-historic people found in Indonesia? Did you know that the helmeted gecko is the only vertebrate that can see color in the dark? I'm reading the Lucifer Principle right now, I can barely put it down; it is a biological account of the problem of evil. NewScientist's current issue is all about drugs and the human propensity to change their state of consciousness and why the U.S. is a pile of shit for starting this ridiculous "war on drugs" and how people should have the right to chemically alter their mind whenever and however they want! (Without infringing upon the rights of others, by, you know, killing them or stealing their money) Mother Earth News has articles on keeping a family cow to produce all of your dairy needs and I think I saw something on the effects of pollution on the reproductive behaviour of native wild species. How the fuck am I supposed to study Chemistry in an environment like this?!
Goddamn.
Oh, and while typing this Attractive-friend-from-third-floor called and asked if I'd like to go hang out and watch a movie. I said I was studying.

Quiz Time!

I made a Quiz for you! Take my Quiz! and then Check out the Scoreboard!

If you've read many of my posts or know me at all, you should do very well. I'd hope.

Guns are for pussies

So today at lunch, one of my friends from Omaha (I'm from Omaha, too) and I were arguing with a group of our Kansas friends about guns. As it turns out, basically every boy in Kansas has his own gun, maybe several. Now, I don't like guns. I don't see any reason to own an instrument whose sole purpose is to kill, because I don't enjoy killing things. Loss of life to me is always something to be avoided and regretted and mourned. Whether it is necessary or not, I don't consider it a sport. I should add that I am in 100% support of hunting, it is through their taxes and fines that most of the remaining wildlife in the United States is maintained and I understand the importance of control the population of native species.
What baffles me is that they think that guns are a way of life. Everyone has a gun rack and kids are taught how to use guns from the age of four (this is what they told me, I know it sounds insane). At four years old kids don't even understand that when they are talking on the phone that the person they are talking to can't see what they are seeing. Four year olds don't know that a short fat glass of milk has as much milk as a tall skinny one. Four year olds are dumb! They don't have any need to know how to work a gun! Are you telling them they need to protect themselves?! That's what parents are for! Little boys are not little men, kids aren't just smaller, stupider adults. Their brain works differently, it takes a while for them to even know that other people experience reality as they do. That shooting someone would cause them pain. That death means forever.
These small town guys, they don't lock their houses but they think they need a gun to keep them safe? You know what would happen: someone just walks in the open door, sees the gun on the rack, shoots the homeowners and burglars the house. Idiots.

The bandaid is still on, although it has lost a little stickiness around the bottom.

Project Getting-over-Tyler is going well. Yesterday dinner was not upsetting and I didn't even get that panicky, excited, limbic-system-getting-worked-up feeling. Today I decided to not skip class and it was fine. I think this is going to work. I can still think he's really hot, right?

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

the coolest bandaid ever

So I went to give blood to the Red Cross yesterday and they poked my finger to test my iron levels (which were too low. They sent me away.) and then the nurse put a bandaid on my finger. She put it on incredibly well, and it still isn't even loose or losing stickiness or being an inconvenience or anything. I can even type with it, and it is exactly the right snugness.


It occurs to me that I broke the nail off of that finger this weekend. It is the shortest it has ever been (except for that time when the dog bit the tip of my finger off. It took a couple months to even grow a nail after that) It is so short that when I tap my nails on the desk, my finger just thumps instead of tapping. Gross. I bet that is why the bandaid fits so well. I'm not going to take it off, even though it was superfluous in the first place, for a needle stick. I'm going to see how long it lasts before getting gross or loose and falling off.

You-know-who will be taking trays at dinner. I haven't decided if I would be better off avoiding him or not. We'll see.

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

But I like the inconveniences...

We have to post online for my philosophy class in response to topics. The topic was, "Is the problem of Evil a sound argument?" and this was my response. The problem of evil, btw, is that if there is a God that is all-good, all-knowing and all-powerful that it would know about evil, be powerful enough to stop evil, and would want to. Evil is defined as either human or natural. (tornadoes, cancer)

"I really don't know that I can come to a final answer to this question. I really like the idea that if the Tri-O God exists (which we're trying to disprove with the argument of evil) that it is omniscient and therefore already knows what all possible worlds are, and being omnibenevolent has chosen the best possible one for us. We've all read Brave New World, we know how much it would suck if there wasn't ever anything unpleasant and people were just content all the time. The savage's speech springs obviously to mind. I guess that if I were going to disagree with the problem of evil, I would say that evil is necessary because it makes life worth living. The Tri-O God undoubtedly knows this and has shaped our universe accordingly.
That doesn't entirely satisfy, though. Aldous Huxley wrote another book about a utopian society, called the Island, one that everyone doesn't read in High School, and it doesn't paint quite such a negative picture of a society in which people are just happy. In that book, it seems entirely possible, and desirable, to have a world without evil. I guess it isn't advisable to decide what the best possible universe is based on works of fiction.
Another reason why I think that the problem of evil might be sound is because of atrocities that simply have NO good outcome. I have an example. Say there was a family living in the woods, and they were totally self sufficient and happy and no one even knew they were there and they had chickens and a dog. One day some person who lives remotely nearby (but didn't know about the family) is walking in his sleep. He comes upon their home, kicks their dog and cuts all of their arms off. They bleed to death because they don't have any hands to try and stop the bleeding and there are no hospitals around and they can't even stand up because they don't have any arms. The guy wakes up in his own bed, has no idea what happened. No one ever finds out. What is the good outcome of this? There can't be one, because no one ever even knows. Say, for some reason, the world is a better place without this family in it. Couldn't that have been accomplished by a gas leak in the night? That would at least be less terrible.
But when I think of this scenario I am confronted by the idea that if *no one* ever found out about it, maybe it never happened. Maybe a Trio-O God did interfere, sent the sleepwalker home, and does so when there is no outweighing good "justifying" the evil and suffering.
Or maybe Fred Phelps is right, and God isn't omnibenevolent at all, and the poor armless family was paying for past sins. Maybe they were heretics. Or maybe there is no God at all and they were just shit out of luck for living near a psychotic sleepwalker."

When I was writing this it was tough because I really do think that the problem of evil is a pretty nice argument against the existence of God, but I do believe in some greater supernatural force. I can't seem to decide if belief is justified or not. More thoughts on that later.

Today project Rational Rachael (i.e. project getting over Tyler) hasn't gone exceptionally well. Class was rough, but that was over 6 hours ago and I expect to be in the clear until dinner tomorrow.

EDIT: I was just reading the posts of other people in the class and one of Tyler's friends, J, posted, saying that he hadn't attended class and Tyler had tried to explain the topic to him. This is what J said, "but anyone who's spoken to tyler knows how his brain works. he's a trainwreck of thoughts." I love him. Trainwreck of thoughts describes him so...right. That's hot.

Monday, December 06, 2004

My last post about Tyler

Honestly. I'm getting over him. This will hopefully be the most that I even think about him today, and I saw him at lunch, and he will be taking trays at dinner.
I asked a magic 8-ball last night, while hanging out with drunken friends, and this is what it said to me:
I will not marry Tyler.
I will get over Tyler.


And my roommate is apparently not getting laid this weekend. (according to the 8-ball) She's furious. I'm furious! Friday night she took the condom out of my shoe and tried to use it! I mean, she tried to use it with the kid who gave it to me in the first place, but it was still mine. And also no longer an effective method of protection, for God's sake the damn thing had been in a pocket on my shoe for nearly 3 months. Sometimes I don't know about that girl.

I found a webpage that delights the hell out of me, it is here: Creationist museum Some people are so freaking stupid. Honestly. Dinosaurs lived at the same time as people, 4,500 years ago?! The reason there are black people is because Adam and Eve carried all of those traits and their offspring expressed them?! There is no evidence for an Earth more than 5,000 years old?! *sigh* I guess it also kind of makes me sad. My mom has a small business, called Mad Science (it's a franchise) and she was doing after school classes at some Catholic school and the principle pulled her aside and was like, "We can't do the dinosaur class, you know, the Bible doesn't really say anything about that."
The brilliant thing is that there are these kentucky museum people, who have their answers all thought out, but when you ask other fundies they are like, "Uh, God put the bones there...to test the believers." Oh, right. I can see God now, slapping his leg and laughing, "You fell for the dinosaur trick!! Haha! Now you're all going to burn in hell! Oh ho ho, haha."

Saturday, December 04, 2004

I love my church

Something that I really hate is people who insist that their faith is the only way, and that anyone who disagrees is going sraight to hell. And that is why I think that my church is the best. Before you dismiss me as a hypocrite, allow me to explain.
"We say of ourselves: We are a congregation who believes that God's unconditional love is for all people. All people should be welcome and accepted among us, no matter who they are or where they are on life's journey. We do not believe others must share our beliefs to be a part of this community of faith. In fact, we honor diversity in thought and belief, seeking to be open to each other. We affirm the right and responsibility of each person to form their own faith journey. We seek a faith that is intellectually stimulating and theologically open."
That was from my church's newsletter.
In my sunday school class we have discussed whether or not it is necessary to our faith that Jesus was bodily resurrected, whether or not it matters if Mary was a virgin, the fact that the creation story was written by a people with almost no knowledge of science. We have read the passages that were removed from the Bible in medievil times, we talk about the editing the Bible has undergone and if we think that it was written by people inspired by God. We've learned about other world religions and why those are valid and if we think those people will go to heaven. We've talked about if there really is a heaven, or a hell, or a devil, or if God is even a sentient entity at all. In our church parking lot there are little Darwin Jesus fishes.
And recently the church as a whole, the United Church of Christ, has started a new campaign, God is still speaking, and made commercials for it. Commercials that NBC and CBS have decided not to air, saying they are too controversial. Here is the webpage, you decide if it is controversial or not: link

I myself struggled through the religion question when I was 15 and came out deciding that my church community was entirely too valuable to me for me to change it. My philosophy class has been challenging me lately to think again about how exactly I view God and I'm really not sure. I think that I do believe in a supernatural force that is Tri-O (you know, omniscient, omnipotent, omnibenevolent) but I don't know that it is necessary for me to picture God as a person, or even very person-like. I certainly do not believe in creation, or that the bible was directly inspired by God. I guess the writers were inspired, similar to how I am inspired occasionally to write, but I don't think that God was guiding their writing at all. I do think that all good people (Christian or not) will go to heaven. I don't really believe in hell, for me that doesn't work with omnibenevolent. I don't really think Mary was a virgin, or that Jesus was bodily resurrected, but I don't think either of those things needs to play an important role in someone's faith.
Maybe I should go to church tomorrow... Maybe I'll be too drunk to drive that early in the morning.

My minister knows about and endorses my drinking, he also launches bottle rockets at passing cars and likes to hunt and camp. He is one of the coolest, smartest people I know, along with my Sunday School teacher. I respect them almost more than I can say.

Drunk Dialing

I went out last night and had the brilliant idea to call my blog a couple times so you could get the experience of going out with Rachael. Anyways, here they are:

9:48 Friday Night
this is an audio post - click to play


11:45 Friday night
this is an audio post - click to play


1:53 Saturday Morning
this is an audio post - click to play


10:48 Saturday Morning
this is an audio post - click to play



Um, it actually didn't go quite as well as I had hoped, because it takes a lot of time and attention (ok, about 45 seconds of minimal attention) to get to the point of recording the message, and then another 2 button presses to actually post the message and not accidentally delete it, and that was harder than I expected.
Also, when I'm drunk I can't seem to control the volume or pitch of my voice, so at least one of the messages is all but unintelligible. It was a good night though, maybe I'll do the same thing tonight. Hopefully with less falling down though.

Friday, December 03, 2004

I'm passing Chemistry?

So today in Chem II our teacher put up the scale showing the total number of points we need to have in order to get certain grades. I have been planning on failing and re-taking Chemistry for a couple of weeks now; my grade is not acceptable and it has to be good or I won't get into vet school. And today it turns out that I am currently sitting at a "C", and so if I apply myself I can maintain that and end the semester with a "C" in Chem II. My advisor instructed me to move on to Organic Chemistry if I get a "C" or better in Chem II, and I can't actually afford to re-take classes that I don't need to.
So this is good, right? No. I have other finals that I really need to study for, and Chemistry takes, like, three times as much time to study for because I'm retarded at that crap. And Tyler and I were going to be taking it together next semester (not actually together, he's at a different time than me) and then next year we would be in Organic together (actually together) and I could be happy.
So now I guess I have to study my damn ass off, so I can not be with Tyler? And probably not do as well as I need to in my other classes. And I'm sure that if I re-took Chemistry and actually applied myself really well I could get an "A" the second time around...
One test at a time I guess, I've got a Chem lab test on Monday night, so I suppose I'd better go study.

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Bad news

It turns out I'm still a hard core internet loser. Yeah, I thought I left it all behind in Junior high and freshman year of highschool. The endless hours of chatting with strangers online, under the moniker ananda_the_princess, no less, late into the night. The almost irresistible urge to say things like "lol" in spoken conversation. The constant frustration that I couldn't plan what I was going to say more carefully, with revisions, before hitting "enter." It was a tough time. I had very few real friends and hundreds of online communities. I was founder of half a dozen successful Yahoo! clubs, the most active member in my over 100 online communities, clubs, and groups. I had multiple webpages that were so painfully dorky that I recently deleted them (upon discovering that my mother was still giving out the address and that one of my friends here at school had found them.) Hours and hours of loving devotion and constant care and attention were paid to online pets and relationships. And then I realized that none of it was real and I just gave it all up. It wasn't even a painful realization, I just joined swim team, made some real friends, and filled up my time with swimming practice and homework. I still get e-mails daily from people with stupid questions about mice (they would know the answer if they would bother to read the damn page, why do they think I typed it all up?!), that I occasionally answer. Every now and then I'll get an e-mail from someone I was really close with, from another state, and she'll have some news about a tricolored mouse in Virginia that 4 years ago would probably have prompted either a cardiac arrest or a road trip to Virginia, and I have to remind myself that living in a dark room with a monitor is not really what I want to do. The sad thing is though, that at that time in my life, I was so passionate about everything, and so aware of the news and goings on in my chosen interests. I had fierce convictions about religion and ethics and current political issues that were backed up by memorized facts and statistics and recent findings that I could spit out (well, type) at the drop of a hat. Actual attempts to speak were usually thwarted by near-stuttering as I tried to express everything I was thinking at once.
The point is, however, that since starting this blog I have become a little too caught up in the internet shit again. If you haven't noticed, dear reader, I post multiple times a day, long posts. I have many more in draft form waiting for the day when I don't have anything to say. I suddenly have over 3 dozen pages that I visit at least 4 times a day, checking for updates. And I have joined thefacebook.com
It is a page that as of last week, every single person at K-State has suddenly joined. I was holding out, remembering freshman year of high school, but then there was the straw that broke my back. That's right, Tyler. He's on there, and he's extra hot, and you can only see other people's profiles if you are a member yourself. So I joined after dinner tonight and I have been on there since then. That is nearly 5 hours straight. God I suck. Here's my profile anyways, enjoy Don't know if you'll be able to see it, since you're probably not signed up...
And just so you know, he added me to his friends and not the other way around, because I was way too afraid to ask him. And also, this blog (the one you're reading right now) is a secret (a rather public secret) so please do not contact Tyler on my behalf, or mention this idiotic blog in any way on thefacebook, because I'm trying to pretend like I'm cool over there. People I actually know see that profile.

I won't pee at the same time as someone else

I absolutely hate going to the bathroom when there is someone else in there. This generally isn't a problem, my whole life I've managed it pretty well by just not using public restrooms. It is bad after a movie, because everyone has to go really really bad, but I found a loophole in which, if I turn the water in the sink on, it is ok to go when there are other people present. It is slightly more acceptable for strangers to hear me pee (as long as they don't see my face) than people who know me, so when at all possible I will wait outside while my friends go and then insist that they wait outside for me while I go.

This became a genuine issue when I moved into the dorms. I spent almost the entire first semester of Freshman year having to pee, because every time I would walk down the hall to the bathroom, there would be someone there and I would have to walk back to my room and wait a little longer. I have explored nearly all of the bathrooms on campus and know which ones are rarely used, spacious, well lit, or otherwise desirable. There have been times when I have waited until the middle of the night to sneak down the hall, knowing that the bathroom would be empty.
I have also lately built up my tolerance, due to living in a shared-bathroom situation, so I can go to the bathroom when someone else is present under the following circumstances:
If I get there and there is no one else there, I can go, and if someone comes in before I'm done I can either leave before them, which can be tricky with timing if they come out before I'm finished drying my hands and see me; or I can wait until after they've left. This can be disastrous if a 3rd party comes in before the 2nd party leaves, or if for some reason the 2nd party takes a long time. There was once an instance where a stream of about 6 people came in consecutively and I just had to sit there! Once I sat for about 15 minutes, trying to determine if the person had left yet or not, only to leave and discover that she had been trying to out-wait me! Bitch.
Leaving the water on is a cure-all, as long as no water-conservation-conscientious person comes in and turns it off before I'm done.
If I get there and there is someone else there, I can either go into my stall and wait until they've left to begin my business, or I can leave and come back later. Or go to another bathroom.
My roommate recently found out about this, and so she has taken up the endearing habit of telling me the occupation status of the bathroom whenever she comes into our room.
Emma has a much less endearing habit of standing outside the door of the bathroom and shouting "I can hear you! I am listening to you pee!" Damn her. She turns the water off, too, when we use public restrooms together.

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

I finished my paper

Ha ha. This post is about Tyler, not the paper. You have been tricked. If, however, you would like to read my philosophy paper, you can! It is here: Deterrence vs. Retributivism It is long, and probably not all that interesting, but that is all I've got for not-boy related material as of right now.
Today at dinner he was taking trays and as we were talking a tray was coming down the line that needed to be organized. He picked up the tray and put it to the side and said, "That can wait" in order to keep talking to me! Granted, it was one of my friend's trays, and Tyler was asking me about the paper that is due tomorrow, but he still did that, and he still said that, and I am still ecstatic. Oh, and still over him. Fuck, I keep forgetting.

Music videos that are awesome:
Snoop's new one, with Pharrel (Hott!)- Drop it like it's hot. I love that song, and the video kicks ass.
Greenday's "warning", the first time I saw that video I couldn't stop laughing, it is so freaking funny!
Good Charlotte's new one, I just wanna live. It is really funny and good, too. Also Joel is pretty cute. Although his identical twin, Benji, not so much. Go figure.

Youthful admiration

So you know when you are younger and there is someone older than you (but not much older) who you think is just the coolest person ever...Like for me it was the youth group. When I was in Junior youth group, there was the senior youth group (they were in high school) and I thought that those girls were just the coolest, prettiest, smartest people ever and I wanted to be best friends with them. Although I didn't really think of it in those terms, at that time at least. Or on swim team my freshman year there was a junior who lived in my neighborhood and her big brother was the first boy I had a crush on and she swam so fast, was always nice to me, and got good grades, and I wanted to be just like her. I never had an older sibling and I wouldn't want to be presumptous enough to think that my younger sisters think of me that way...at least not Emma. Madeline actually probably does. But anyways, it occurs to me that I stopped thinking about other people in such adoring terms around my sophomore year in High School. Lately I've been seeing the good and bad attributes in everyone and just considering everyone my equal. Even my parents somewhat, which is weird. When you're younger you literally look up to them, you feel as though they are kind of better, in some ways. Certainly smarter, with better judgment. It never occured to me until recently that parents have character flaws and make mistakes. It should be noted that I still think my parents are ridiculously awesome and I want nothing more than to follow almost step for step in their path. They've had a kick ass life together. The point that I'm trying not to lose, however, is that there are these really cool hippie girls on the 3rd floor and I have been thinking how cool they are, and self confident, and thin, and they listen to good music and they wear fun hippie clothes and some of them have dreadlocks. They are friends with guys who I think are hot and they smoke weed and probably have interesting majors in art or something and care a lot about starving children in Somalia. I bet some of them are vegan. When I see Tyler actually dating a girl, I see him dating one of them. This is dorky, bear with me: About 2 weeks ago, for masochistic reasons, I was imagining how Tyler would meet his soulmate, and it was basically him bumping into a girl like those girls and she would have to be somewhat forward because he is shy and they would have love at first sight and get married. My roommate today said something about Goddamn hippie liberals. Treehugging something or other. We are different from each other. That's o.k.

And now for the Tyler tie-in, no that wasn't it up above, that was just part of how cool I think those girls are. The post below, about how some girl apparently gave Tyler her number and he never called, I badgered cool-Jake and found out who the girl is. She is one of the hippie girls. (!) She gave him her number when he was taking trays at dinner and said that the endeavor "failed miserably." Whoa. That information is almost impossible for me to process. I can't conceive of why he didn't call her, except that he is a shy loser with no interest in a relationship with a girl, ever. She is skinny. Pretty, I think. Obviously cool (well, I guess that is subjective) So I either have to revise my concept of Tyler, as he doesn't like the type of girl that I had thought he did, or I have to accept that he has no interest in dating. Damn.

I'll hopefully see him at dinner tonight! Yay! Oh wait, I'm getting over him. Shit, this is going to be hard...
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